Hylian Fairy Tales
by Linkophile
Summary: Ganondorf was let out of banishment, but blew his chances again. Now he has to read fairy tales to little kids in Kakariko Village as community service o.O
1. The Cucco Prince

Author's Note: If the fairy tales seem a little 'peculiar' to you, I used the original version (at least, the British Fairy Tale version from that one book.). If you think this is lame; then that's okay, because I didn't make it to be good, I just wrote it because I'm home sick and I was hella bored.  
  
-  
  
Ganondorf eyed the group in front of him. Kakariko children. Bah. The Princess said his punishment for his latest crime would be community service, but why with children? He hated children. Especially Link, who had decided to come all the way from the Kokiri Forest and listen to the stories Ganondorf was reading tonight.  
  
Ganondorf opened up the book and cleared his through. "Ahem. I'll be reading a collection of Hyrulian Fairy Tales tonight." Giggling came from the group, but he continued on. "The first one will be 'The Cucco Prince."  
  
A little girl raised her hand. "Is this the one where the cucco saves the girl's necklace?"  
  
"Uh, yes."  
  
"And is it the one where the magical cucco falls in love with the girl?"  
  
"Yes, yes it is."  
  
"That's icky."  
  
"Yes, it is very icky." Ganondorf cleared his throat again. "As I was saying, this story is called the 'Cucco Prince'."  
  
"Doesn't the cucco turn into a Prince?"  
  
"Maybe. You should pay attention to the title."  
  
"Oh. Well, I hope so, 'cause I like that story."  
  
"Then maybe you should shut up and listen to it."  
  
"Okay, Ganny." Ganondorf grimaced.  
  
-The Cucco Prince-  
  
Malon was a girl who lived on Lon Lon Ranch. She was a very lonely girl, and didn't have many friends. One day, her father had asked her to go fetch some water all the way from the Kakariko Well.  
  
"But that's so far away!" she argued.  
  
"No buts!" said her father. "We need the water, and I can't leave the ranch alone."  
  
So Malon reluctantly agreed to go get some water from the Kakariko well.  
  
When she got there, she lowered the bucket into the well, and drew up the water. But as she was lifting the bucket up, her necklace came off, and plop! fell into the water.  
  
"My necklace!" cried Malon. She was in tears. Her mother had given her the necklace before she had died, and now it was gone!  
  
"Don't fret; I'll get it for you!" a voice called out.  
  
Malon dried her eyes. "Who's there?" she called out.  
  
A rather large cucco stepped out from behind the well.  
  
"Oh, it is just me! A cucco, but I will retrieve your necklace for you, little girl!"  
  
Malon dried her eyes. "Oh, thank you!"  
  
"Oh, it's no problem," replied the cucco. "I only ask one favor in return."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"You must marry me!"  
  
Malon laughed inside her head. Marry this...Animal? He'll be dinner in a week; she wouldn't have to keep her promise.  
  
"Okay, mister Cucco; I'll marry you."  
  
-  
  
It had been a couple days since the girl and the cucco had met, and Malon had completely forgotten about it. But one night, she heard a noise at her bedroom door-  
  
"Oh, my bride, oh, my love! Let me in!"  
  
The cucco? She opened the door, and sure enough, there he was.  
  
"Oh, my bride!"  
  
Talon, Malon's father, came barging in. "What's all this ruckus?"  
  
Malon rushed over to hide behind her father. "This cucco! He's crazy; he thinks I'm supposed to marry him!"  
  
The cucco crowed again: "Oh, my love, do you not remember? You promised me your hand when I retrieved your necklace from the well!"  
  
Talon turned to Malon. "Is this true?"  
  
"Well...Yes, it is! But there's no way you're letting me marry a cucco, father!"  
  
Talon laughed, then quieted himself. "Heh, heh, I'm sorry, Malon, but ye did promise him. And you gotta keep your promises."  
  
Malon was taken aback. He couldn't possibly be saying this!  
  
"My bride, my love!"  
  
Malon looked at the cucco.  
  
"My bride, my love, you must go fetch the axe from outside."  
  
Malon was puzzled, but she was curious as to why the cucco would need an axe. She played along, and retrieved the axe.  
  
"My bride, my love! You must chop off my wings, one by one!"  
  
Malon was shocked. Was he really asking her to do this? She would be free!  
  
Malon heaved the axe over her shoulder, and neatly sliced each of the cucco's wings off. In their place, an arm grew in each spot.  
  
"My bride, my love! You must cut off each of my legs!"  
  
Malon raised one eyebrow. What was going on here? She again lifted the axe over her head, and chopped off the cucco's legs. In it their place grew a pair of Hylian legs.  
  
"My bride, my love! You must chop off my head!"  
  
Yecch! Malon was disgusted at the cucco's behavior, but she did as she was told, and chopped off the cucco's head! She fell to the floor and began to cry.  
  
"Why do you cry, my love?"  
  
Malon looked up. Standing where the cucco had been, there was a beautiful prince. He took Malon by the hand, and helped her off the ground. A month later, they were married, and lived happily ever after.  
  
----  
  
"Wow..." breathed the little girl. "I want to marry a cucco when I grow up, too!" The group giggled.  
  
Ganondorf moaned. He'd rather be banished again than through this torture. He could shut these children up...  
  
Link noticed a particularly evil look on Ganondorf's face. "Uh, say, Ganondorf, why don't you read another story?"  
  
Ganondorf shot a glare at Link. "Yes...I think I will read another story. Thank you, LINK." He flipped to the next page. "Here's a good one- 'Link and the Beanstalk'."  
  
"Ooh, he has the same name as you!" the little girl said to Link.  
  
Link smiled. "That he does. What's your name?"  
  
"My name's June!"  
  
"AHEM!" Ganondorf looked at the two. "If you're quite finished..."  
  
"Go ahead, 'Ganny'." Link winked.  
  
"Grr...'Link and the Beanstalk!'" 


	2. Link and the Beanstalk

-Link and the Beanstalk-  
  
Once upon a time, there lived in the Kokiri Village a very lazy boy. He was so lazy, in fact, that he almost never did anything, and the entire Kokiri Village grew poor. And his name was Link. Yes, Link.  
  
One day, Link's friend Saria came up to him and told him of the crisis. And she said that he needed to sell...His horse.  
  
"My horse!" cried Link. "I can't sell Epona! She's my friend!"  
  
"But Link," continued Saria, "You have no money; you have no food. And you're certainly not going to eat a horse. Now go to the market and sell her!"  
  
So, against his wishes, Link took Epona by the reigns and trotted off to the Hyrule Market.  
  
Along the way, he met a man, who said he was selling beans. And not just any beans, 'magic beans'. They were rainbow colored, and were lined up in a row within a pod.  
  
"How much do you want for them?" asked Link.  
  
The man thought for a while. "Your horse should about do it."  
  
"My horse?" Link thought for a while. That was a lot to trade for. Well, these were magic beans, and how often do you see those? Plus, he didn't want to walk all the way to the market. So, he sold Epona to the man for a pod of magic beans.  
  
"Heh, heh...Thanks!"  
  
-  
  
When Link came back to the forest, he showed Saria the beans.  
  
"What?!" she cried. "You sold your horse for some stupid 'magic' beans? I can't believe you!" Saria grabbed the beans and threw them out the window.  
  
"You're a good friend, Link, but you sure are stupid!" She ran out of his treehouse.  
  
-  
  
The next morning, though, Link heard a rustling outside his window. He looked out, and saw a gigantic beanstalk.  
  
"My Goddessees!" he exclaimed. He went outside to take a look.  
  
"It's huge!" He put one foot on the beanstalk and grabbed hold of a vine. He looked up. It stretched all the way into the clouds...And what was beyond that? Not only was Link lazy, but he was curious, and that always got the better of him. He continued to climb up the beanstalk.  
  
When he reached the top, he looked around. All around him on the ground were clouds, and off in the distance, there was a leering, gigantic castle. He stopped an old woman who was walking past.  
  
"Excuse me, do you know where I am?"  
  
"You're in the country above the clouds," she answered. "What might your name be?"  
  
"My name is Link."  
  
The woman gasped. "Link? The very same one who lives in the Kokiri Forest?"  
  
"Uh...Yes, that's me."  
  
"So, you must know of the Deku Tree?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
The woman pointed to the castle. "That man! That man, inside the castle, he's the one who killed your Deku Tree! I suppose you want revenge?"  
  
"Uh...Sure!"  
  
"Well, good luck to ye, Link." The old woman smiled, then walked away.  
  
Link started walking to the castle. Close to the castle, he met a woman. But she was gigantic!  
  
"Uh...Hello?" He looked up.  
  
The woman looked down. "Hello! Are you seeking shelter within the castle?"  
  
"Yes," said Link. "I would love that."  
  
She smiled. "I'm sure my husband won't mind. Come! Come on in!"  
  
She led Link inside the castle. "Just make sure he doesn't see you. And don't touch anything! He'll know." She led him into a room, and gave him a hunk of bread. "Now you just rest here a bit, and eat that bread." She left the room.  
  
As soon as she left, Link jumped to his feet and started to walk around. He entered the next room, where he saw the giant woman's husband, Ganondorf. He called to his wife.  
  
"Bring me my cucco!"  
  
His wife left the room, and returned with a cucco. She set it on the table, and Ganondorf began to croon to it. As he sang, the cucco clucked, and laid a giant golden egg!  
  
"I must have that cucco!" thought Link.  
  
So, when he thought the Giant, Ganondorf wasn't looking, he sprang up on the table and stole that cucco!  
  
He raced back down the beanstalk with the cucco in his arms, and he proudly showed it off the the Kokiri villagers.  
  
"I stole it from a giant," he bragged.  
  
The villagers ooh'd and ahh'd over the cucco that laid the golden eggs, but Saria was not impressed.  
  
"Link, you could've killed yourself up there!"  
  
"But I didn't!" he protested. "And I'm going up there again; just you watch!"  
  
So Link again climbed the beanstalk, but this time, he wore a disguise. And again, he met the Giant woman. This time, she seemed a bit terrified.  
  
"Are...Are you seeking shelter within the castle?" she asked cautiously.  
  
"Yes, I am. Maybe you could show me the way?" Link said from under his disguise.  
  
"Oh, yes, I'm quite sure I can...But you have to be careful! Last time I let someone enter the castle, they stole a precious object of my husband's, and...He beat me for it. But, I have such a soft heart, so you can come on in."  
  
Link thanked the woman, and she led him into the castle. But once she left, he began walking around of his own accord. He entered the same room he had seen Ganondorf in last time, and, yet again, there he was.  
  
"Wife, bring me my gold!" he shouted.  
  
His wife exited the room, and then came back with a bag full of gold, then left the room again. The Giant excitedly began counting his treasure, but soon, began to fall asleep. Link saw this as his chance. He jumped up onto the table and stole the bag of gold!  
  
He raced down the beanstalk, down to Kokiri Village, where again, he showed off his catch, and everyone admired him. Except Saria.  
  
"Link, stop that! Ooh, you're really going to get it one day!"  
  
"Relax," said Link. "Those Giants don't know anything! And I'm going up again!"  
  
So, Link put on another disguise, and climbed up the beanstalk, where again he met the Giantess, who was looking worse than before. But still, she offered Link a place to rest.  
  
"Why, thank you," Link replied. "I could use a place to nap a bit."  
  
So the Giantess led him into the castle, and again, as soon as she left, Link jumped up and began exploring the castle, entering the same room he had seen Ganondorf in both times.  
  
And there he was. He called out to his wife-  
  
"Bring me my Ocarina!"  
  
So the wife brought him his Ocarina, and she left the room. It was beautiful, and Link knew he wanted it.  
  
"I must have it!" he insisted.  
  
Ganondorf turned his back for a moment, and Link saw his chance. He sprang up on the table and grabbed the Ocarina. But this was no ordinary Ocarina- it was the Ocarina of Time, and it had magical powers. It called out, and Ganondorf looked over. His Ocarina was being taken away!  
  
He jumped to his feet, and began to chase Link and the Ocarina. However, Link was fast, and he made it to the beanstalk before Ganondorf could. He dropped to the bottom, grabbed an axe, and began chop, chop, chopping away!  
  
Unfortunately for Ganondorf, when the beanstalk finally broke, he was on it. He fell down, down, onto Kokiri Village, and immediately died.  
  
"Finally!" said Saria.  
  
----  
  
Ganondorf flipped through the pages. "That's it?" he asked in disbelief. "That was a terrible story!"  
  
"I liked it," said June. "He went SMASH!" She clapped her palms together to imitate the impact.  
  
Ganondorf gritted his teeth. Not much longer would he have to suffer...  
  
"How about you read another story?" suggested Link. "Just one more, then everyone can go to bed."  
  
"Fine," said Ganondorf, roughly throwing the book open to the next page. "Here's 'Mido and the Three Wolfos'." 


	3. Mido and the Three Wolfos

-Mido and the Three Wolfos-  
  
Just a short while ago, there were three Wolfos living in the middle of the Kokiri Forest- A Mama Wolfos, a Papa Wolfos, and a little Baby Wolfos. The Mama Wolfos had just finished making a delicious breakfast of ground Deku Scrub, but alas, there was something wrong with each Wolfos' bowl...  
  
"This Deku Scrub is too hot!" complained the Papa Wolfos.  
  
"This Deku Scrub is too cold!" The Mama Wolfos turned up her snout.  
  
"This Deku Scrub is juuuuuuuuust right!" smiled the Baby Wolfos.  
  
...Ignoring the Baby Wolfos' comment, the elder Wolfos decided it would be ideal to take a walk out in the Lost Woods, taking the little one along, until their Deku Scrub was settled to perfection.  
  
But while they were gone...A short, greedy little Kokiri waddled into their home.  
  
"Goddesses, what is it that smells so good?" he wondered as he entered. Mido was a self-centered kind of guy, and never stopped to think of the consequences of anything he did. He hopped right up onto one of the Wolfos' chairs and sampled some of the food.  
  
"Ahhh! This is much too hot!" cried Mido, after taking a bite of the Papa Wolfos' Deku Scrub.  
  
"Oooh!" Mido winced. "This is WAY TOO COLD!"  
  
"Huh?" Mido took another taste out of the last bowl. "Oh, gosh...Is this a Deku Scrub?!"  
  
After Mido finished gagging over the fact that he ate a Deku Scrub, he continued into the main room of the house.  
  
"Unhh, this is a little too hard," Mido said, as he tried out the Papa Wolfos' chair.  
  
"Unf, zif if a livvle oo 'oft," Mido's muffled voice called out from beneath the fluff of the Mama Wolfos' chair.  
  
"Ahh...Now this is nice." Mido kicked back in the Baby Wolfos' chair, which was exactly the right size for a short Kokiri like himself. But when he lifted himself out of the chair, he accidentally broke it.  
  
"Oh well," said Mido. "Not my problem!"  
  
And soon, Mido began to grow sleepy. "I think I'll go see if there are any beds upstairs."  
  
So Mido began the journey upstairs, and like he had thought, there were three beds upstairs.  
  
"Darnit! This one's hard, too!" grumbled Mido from Papa Wolfos' great big bed.  
  
"Mmmmmmmmmfffffffmmmmm!" Mido screamed from the Mama Wolfos' bed as he clawed himself out.  
  
"Ahh..." Mido sighed as he rested his head against the Baby Wolfos' pillow. "This is perfect!" He closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.  
  
But little did Mido know that the Wolfos' walk was just ending. They entered their home, and saw the mess in the kitchen!  
  
"Grr!" snarled the Papa Wolfos. "Someone took a bite of my Deku Scrub!"  
  
"Hmm..." thought the Mama Wolfos. "Someone took a bite out of my Deku Scrub, too."  
  
"Look! Look!" shouted the Baby Wolfos. "Someone took a bite out of my Deku Scrub, too, and they spit it out on the floor!"  
  
The Wolfos were outraged that someone would have the indecency to come into their home and eat their food, but after cleaning up the mess, they thought they would rather just relax in their favorite chairs.  
  
"Oh, drat!" howled the Papa Wolfos. "Someone's been sitting in my chair!" How he could tell, no one knows.  
  
"Ohhh..." the Mama Wolfos grimaced. "Someone's been sitting in my chair, too."  
  
The Baby Wolfos began to cry. "Someone sat in my chair, and they broke it to pieces!"  
  
The parents Wolfos' consoled the crying cub, and decided to take him upstairs for a nap. It had been a hard day for him, after all.  
  
"Mother of Din!" cried out the Papa Wolfos. "This intruder slept in my bed!"  
  
"AIIIIII!" shrieked the Mother Wolfos. "My bed's been slept in, too!" She pointed to a large pit in the center.  
  
"Oh no, oh no!" the Baby Wolfos exclaimed. "They slept in my bed, too, AND THEY'RE STILL IN IT!!!"  
  
The Wolfos all crowded around the Baby Wolfos' bed. They looked at each other, a malicious smile on their face, and silently agreed that red-headed Kokiri would taste much better than ground Deku Scrub...  
  
----  
  
The Kakariko children's faces were pale.  
  
"Did...Did they eat Mido?" June asked. Her lower lip quivered with terror.  
  
Link cut in. "No, June, they didn't. After Mido was caught sleeping in the Baby Wolfos' bed, he jumped out the window, freed all the Deku Scrubs from the Wolfos' farm, and ran back home safely, where he ate sugar spun candy and drank apple cider and the Wolfos never saw him again."  
  
A sigh was heard throughout the village.  
  
"WRONG!" shouted Ganondorf. "They DID eat Mido! They chopped him into little teeny pieces and dipped him in sauce! And they said he tasted very good!"  
  
The children gasped.  
  
"Ganon, why would you say that?" Link tried to push a frightened June off of him.  
  
"Because I hate this! I hate you! And I especially hate YOU!" Ganondorf pointed an olive-tinted finger at June. He raised his hand to blast her with a shot of magic.  
  
"YAHHHH!" The Kakariko children ran up to Ganondorf and smothered him. One especially energetic kid jumped on his back and held on for dear life.  
  
"Ahhhh, stop it!" Ganondorf swung himself around, trying to shake off the children, but they wouldn't come loose. "You'll pay for this, you brats!"  
  
"Ganondorf always had problems with kids," Link noted, from past experience. He picked up the shivering June and carried her to her house, where her parents thanked him and tucked her in safely. 


End file.
